To conquer fear is the beginning of wisdom ~Bertrand Russell~

The mind can’t figure out what the heart wants to do…

But the heart already decided what the mind couldn’t figure out…

That’s why it is called matters of the heart..coz only the heart can sort it out…and when the heart and mind clashes..that’s when accident happens…and the mind mess is created…very messy..

I’m behind with my bills…till I got late payment charges…*BAD*

I wake up late almost everyday and late for work everyday *BAD again*

I pissed ppl off – not thinking before talking…*VERY BAD* then say sorry abt it…I mean it but still its too late to say sorry if we could have stop it before shit happens…*HORRIBLE*

I get pissed easily *WORST*

I’m losing weight, some says, but not yet looking like a stick…still eating just not as much…*STILL BAD BUT NOT THAT BAD*

Basically, i’ve never felt like this in my yeeeears of adult life …. am I getting old and cranky or what.

I find that there is not much to look forward to at the moment…you know the shitty feeling…not exactly feeling sorry for myself….but just those ‘DOWN’ days I’m having..but how come the days are turning into months….scary shit man……probably vertical bungy might stir some happy hormones in me….ehmm…probably should do that….get myself catapulted off the ground…and hope the problems just get flung out after feeling the adrenaline rush……

I honestly don’t recall being like this..no matter how big the problem maybe…and i’ve had worst problems than all this…..

eeeeeeeeeeee-YUCKS!!!

wat to do …wat to do…wat to doooooo….

and its only like the first month of 2009…its been heck of a roller coaster ride…not exactly having a time of my life though….

This is yet another attempt at finding inner peace

1. Be more patient..and i mean really MORE, MUCH  MORE….And to think that I am already very patient all this while
2. Learn to shut up ..and listen MORE….*I kinda like this idea, coz its good lah*

That’s about it…if you think – “only got 2 things ah?” well..trust me!…trying to achieve that 2 things already can be nerve-wrecking….

But then again, I do look fwd to seeing mr Anuar performed on 6 Feb the one thing that perks me up …. at least….

CNY long holiday is over….and here I am back in office.
Next public holiday is wayyyyy further in April…that being a Good Friday….
So since it is to far away to look forward to…might as well get on with my project launch..but for now, I’ve got to do my Claims…$$$

It is going to be a wonderful long weekend ..my god how often do we get this right. So i’m still wondering what is happening, going to happen and will happen…

I’m thinking Saturday is when I turn my room up-side down and clean in up…throw or giveaway all clothes i’ve not touched since like dinosaur years ago. then try my very best to do this at least.

Sunday…ehmm..i’m thinking breakfast at the east side…then chill with cik norma & family at Laguna.

Monday & Tuesday is already CNY day….so there should be more than enough shows to watch on TV…i still has some DVDs to catch up with…

Its going to be a nice long weekend….i’ll make that happen….after that the next public holiday would be ….like when….APRIL..my God….lamaaaaaanyaaaaaaa

So all you office hour people….enjoy the holiday…technically its just 2 days of Public Holiday..but i told myself its 4 days coz I count the weekends lah …just so it looks like its is very long…which is  lah…ok nevermind…

enjoy the holiday..to my chinese friends..I wish you a happy and Prosperous New Year of the Ox….

Muacks! Muacks!

got home really late, still packing my stuff. And eventually settled in bed with mum besides me. can’t quite get a shut-eye….

3hrs more….a run of hindi movie would be good and surely would speed things up..but i’m no longer a fan of HINDI movie. So the net is my next best thing

I had to say that some magical thing is happening. Remember I talked abt the tunnel …i think i saw some light….some..a tiny bit of ray through a tiny lil hole. Amazing…i really hope its my way out of the long tunnel.

Its weird how things worked out. But somehow or rather, whatever happened must have happened for a reason and it is somehow making me think real hard.

I hope it still remain true as to what I have analyse. But then again, it highly depends

Those reading this have no idea whatever that i”m refering to…doesn’t reallly matter coz there is no need to….seriously

ok gtg…tata…

I always find ways to console my troubled mind. Think positive – I tell myself, for there is always a blessing in every bit of things that happened. I seek many ways to see, or at least imagine there is light at the end of the dark tunnel. But i think i just knock myself hard against a wall while walking in pitch darkness. That’s when I realized, where is the fucking light….maybe there is no light after all.

As much happiness I felt around me, the new year brings me much sadness, that I’m suddenly an emotional wreck. Couldn’t figure out WTF is wrong with me. Every idling moment, I just force myself to sleep just so the mind doesn’t wander wild and end up feeling sorry for myself.

And yes..besides getting Excellence Award at work for working my freaking ass off *thank u to my bosses for the appreciation* Off-work, I also got another award – FOOL OF THE YEAR AWARD for being a fool *duh!* it was indeed a pleasant surprise….Double happiness Should celebrate the grand affair. Yes yes! going to do it…treating some ppl tonite though they won’t know its sort of a celebration of coz….can’t tell them of me being a fool, can I?

I honestly dunno what I’m doing anymore.  Is there such thing as a whole new beginning, or it is another pile of bullshit…? I think its bullshit….at times, my determination is just applied at the wrong place, wrong time.

Still looking on the so-called bright side, life goes on….it doesn’t end there, yet. Technically, still ok. Physically, losing weight i think, which is good and bad. Emotionally, cannot make it….gone case already.

Ok back to werkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk….

How time flies….its already 2009

And the Muslims across the world also celebrated Awal Muharam just few days back.

What do we look forward to in the new year….

I’m extremely thankful to Allah S.W.T despite the challenges HE put upon me, I have around me people who love me…share my happiness, sadness, joy, laughter.

When the clock strikes 12 making us now in 2009, I have those most dearest to me by my side….*u know who u are*…..some of them still taking time to SMS me good wishes in the new year…..

And today, I had a good time with my family and friends for a nice lunch @ Tampines….we played Taboo with the BIG Kids Thanks to Pak Lang for introducing the game to my cousins. A bit of a hiccup initially…but it turned out to be hilarious after, when everyone gets a hang out of it.

To all my wonderful friends….and family members, there is nothing in the world I want other than all of u by my sides. I hope Allah protect us all and keep the happiness we have close by all the time.

I wish all good health, much wealth….and every happiness in the world for us all….I love you all…always have, always will…..