To conquer fear is the beginning of wisdom ~Bertrand Russell~

Is it just today being a bad day?
Or Is it really tough to be me?
To live my life the way it is now?
To have the people I have around me?
To work the job I have?
To simply, be me?

Is there really that many people to please? Do they really need it?
Am I being nice or nasty to the wrong person at the wrong time for the wrong reason?

The + side is that they all love me *I suppose in 1 way or another*
The – side is that TOO MUCH of everything is unhealthy even if it is a thing called LOVE.CARE.CONCERN. Why? Because you can suffocate in it just by having too much of it.

My week have been a rollercoaster ride of emotions running high and low. All for the wrong reasons. It has never been tested like this before and I’m really not sure why. But I’m thankful though for it is a challenge.

JD finally understood my definition of ‘freedom’. She’s just glad I’m still able to stay SANE despite all that is happening. I am thankful for that also.

Do this and say this but regret later. What’s the point? Words that have made me NUMB, throughout these years, that I no longer felt the pain when it was said. I heard those words way back…..5 years ago…and I heard it again today. But I can’t tell anyone what those words are coz its my little secret and whoever should not bother to find out.

Well besides talking to some close friends. I guess bloggin’ is a good way to thrash it all out.

Going to immiau now *like its gonna solve my prob*

Today, we had our convoy of 3 cars heading for Sentosa. Second time this year I’ve been there. I’ve never had so much fun like tat kinda fun for so very long. It is indeed very refreshing.

Wanna brag abt it. But I’m already sleepy, at the same time watching Ugly Betty and pending a proposal tat is due tomorrow. So which should I do first?

Details on Sentosa ought to come when I get the pics from my dear friends, Nya-I Betty. She won’t be reading this but I get to have fun coz its my BLOG anyway..hahaha….its been ages since we saw each other. As I’ve mentioned its pleasantly refreshing.

On top of having so much fun today and the day before. Yesterday, I pretty much messed up and made a few people angry. I felt awful abt it, extremely AWFUL feeling. But I’m not sure if extreme physical pain is betworse than emotional pain. In ‘my world’, its give way all the way. Until a point where i felt like the breaking point, its like being on the road and giving way till it crosses ur mind, ‘why the heck am i giving way, when will i ever have my way?’ That sort of thing. So I guess it is hard to please everyone around you. Its the hardest thing to do, so said a fren. I guess he’s right and I suppose he tried it and he spoke from experience. That was 1 short conversation but a very good one.

Just now, I had all this sad thoughts away from me. But its coming back now. I guess sometimes things are just better left unsaid, undo etc.etc….just leave it. And let nature takes its course.

Ok. I started off with a happy story..now i’m braggin’ abt messing feeling of others. Well, there is so much I can do. I’m learning still to accept things as it is.

ok …back to ugly betty…then proposal…then off to bed…working tomorrow….

looking forward to the Labour Day holiday…..

irt

Here is how Mr Anuar Zain look like from a latest photo taken during Secretaries Week on 18th April 2007.  Don’t you just love this lad? He’s friendly, down to earth…warm and has got a sweet smile. I’ve got an uncle that look like him but he’s in Perth now. Migrated for good.  Anyway, it’s been worthwhile supporting his singing career. Well, to me at least Hope he do well, in future and beyond. *Insya ALLAH*

I’ve made dozens of friends just by being his fan. You have no idea how it all turns out. Its has been a wonderful experience to get to know new friends and also to be travelling to KL umpteen times each year, as though i’ve got a husband there….hahaha…but no i don’t have a husband not a close relatives in KL. I know there are some distanced relatives. But I’ve called Concorde home each time I’m in KL. Good enough for me

Photosource is from a friend’s blog. Hope she doesn’t mind.

No more ants.Yippie!

There was infestation of ants on my desk couple of days back. And I have no idea what caused it. So each day I’m on smashed it upon crossing path with IT. So it gets really irritating at times coz it tends to appear in group after you smashed 1 ..then come 2..then 3…its gets more and more. So i switched to my investigative mode and try to figure out the ROOT CAUSE of it all. Realized later that there is this sweet on my desk that is the so-called ‘homeground’. Ever since I tossed it away. Haven’t seen an ant since. Moral of the story, remove the root cause. Then the problem shall never occur again.

I suppose its raining outside. I can’t see a thing coz the blinds are all rolled down. Getting a little bit bored at work. The usual Friday-blues. The day where the engine just slowed down..drop to low gear and ready to stop for the weekend. I’ve got loads of plan. Hopefully it turn out well. Been a while since I drive a strangers car. Tomorrow getting one from Orix. *praying for a safe drive*

Past few days have been ok generally. Picking up the pace at work. SOme things are just draggy while others are ok. Family still the same. I’ve been thinking abt going serious with the event mgmt company but without capital. Still speculating. Need to decide. But on top of my head now is to buy a new car. Yes. I think its about time. I find it is really a waste of my hard earned $$ to contribute in a collaboration. Why? Because for the 25% share that I’m paying for the car loan. I get to drive abt once or if I’m lucky twice in a month. That adds up to about 2 out of 30 days. In percentile tats only 6% usage whereas he gets the other 94%. To him its fair, coz he needs it for work, for dates, for chilling out, for sending friends to the airport….for ALL HIS necessary needs. Ok lah…i rest my case. Fair lah! *peace & harmony*

So i’m sourcing out for a new car. I know I can afford it but the thing about me and commitment. It just doesn’t work. I hate commitments. Somehow I like things adhoc. So having a car for 0% downpayment is like signing a 10year loan. Ain’t tat some sort of commitment? What if I need cash and can’t pay the loan. How? How? The worst can still happen. You never know. But still I think its time to change. Got to commit in some things in life. Can’t just follow where the wind blows. SOmetime we ought to go against the flow.

So i’ve requested for quotations here and there with some car dealer. Thinking of going for test drive. I have no idea how all this works.I’m praying hard not to get con by some opportunistic ass****. So I take one step at a time. Probably I would settle for an off-peak car coz that’s the time i needed the car most. Or if all else fail, probably car sharing would work for now. But then, there is no freedom of driving up to KL. I dare to do it of coz.

Why I’m doing all this, I wonder? Because I’m REALLY REALLY sick of sharing the current car. Sharing alone is not that painful. Having to argue and fight each time i wanna use the car is really draining my ‘happy’ cells. Its like fighting a battle which you know u can’t win. So why bother? So turn around and walk away. Lately, I’ve stop asking for the car already. I just rent one. So tat ought to solve my problem abt the car sharing. So i go out when I wanna go out…park the car and nobody will bother to use it. If i can’t afford, well rent it out for private use in Singapore only. That ought to cover my loans for the mth. Put a little effort, things might just work out well for me. I’ve made life heck of a lot harder b4, so it makes no different now. And bottomline, I’m much happy-er. I wouldn’t say I regret agreeing to contribute for the car. Coz you only regret not doing the things you want to do. If you did it, how can you regret. At least I learned my lesson *the hard way*, some things are just not meant for sharing. Tats abt it. As simple as tat.

My advice to all those siblings out there who got driving license. GET YOUR OWN CAR! Don’t even consider sharing! Trust me! The experience is painful especially if you are at the losing end. But if you are the inconsiderate one, have fun with the car! What goes around, comes around

Don’t get me wrong that I’m in some sort of sibling rivalry. NOT AT ALL! Just that, if its not gonna be a fair share. Then don’t share! Mine wasn’t fair in the first place. The so-called agreement is all void when it comes to the day that it ought to be honoured. So thats where the problem start to arise. But it soon will go away.

Strangely, though, how in the world did i managed to put up with the CRAP for 2 years. HOW?????!!! HOW?????!!! HOW?????!!! HOW?????!!! HOW?????!!!

OK that aside, I’m bz with another project which is not worth talking about now. Wait till things are more concrete. That is a whole new story.

Going Sentosa this weekend, need some form of ’sentosa’ (i.e. tranquillity in English). Hopefully its a good day with my friends.

Last blog was 11 April.
Ehmm how long ago was that? 2weeks+.
I’ve been occupied with going to and fro Kuala Lumpur first for a short getaway with cuz & fams.Then off again 2 weeks later for Secretaries Week Luncheon featuring Anuar Zain at JW Marriott KL. Initally I was so against spending the night at JW coz it is beyond my regular budget for hotel. But for convenient sake, if i may say, we close an eye…actually both eyes. We book for 1 nite stay @ SGD195. Of coz we split the cost 2 way and it wasn’t tat painful on the pocket. I’m really not into details to outline the entire show. One ought to catch it themselve to know that such shows usually come with reasonably good food and good performances. Tat’s about as much as I wanna tell. There’s more of coz but not for sharing. ahak ahak!

We spent the following day roaming around KLCC, Little India and back to KLCC. Basically we go round and round and round KLCC from late afternoon till evening. My legs were begging me to stop walking. And I’m literally begging my fren to stop also. She sure can window shop, that I can say. But we carry on and finally the shopping come to an end. We headed back to the room. Then go down again to grab supper at the backstreet alley for their tom yam, maggi goreng and teh tarik. But we were not that hungry. So the food kinda wasted actually. We were more sleepy but at the same time hungry. I didn’t even take a sip of my teh tarik. It was left untouched till morning. It turn into Teh-peng (Cold Tea with Milk).

We had a light breakfast at Concorde, rest and chill in the room the last few hours before leaving KL. Thankful for the late checkout else we’d be roaming in KLCC again. But we did lah coz no choice. We need to walk thru KLCC to reach Corus Hotel. Z had her second serving of PATCHI chocolate. And to proof that we are in KL that often, it comes to a point where the sale person already recognized us. We told her we surely be back for more next time Such friendly service. All the other customer service staff ought to learn from her. *give her 10 stars for the exceptionally warm and friendly customer service*

Ok I wanna talk more but boss is like checking on me, chasing my task at  hand.So Probably later and I’ll try to load some pics.*so lazy to do tat*

Choaw

I actually got loads to thrash out…abt my KL trip and what ever there is in the world to blog about…but now I tot a good night sleep would do me much good. So I’ll just wait till tomorrow @ work.

 *Yawn*

Sweet Dreams

Yes….Finally, finally, finally….

Guess what? Reactions by my closest friends who have known me for at least 6 years or more over my change in terms of personal grooming are like this -
“Finally, you have changed your image…” Those are the beginning of their statement. It sure sounds like a typical first line in O-level English composition. Its like, start your story with the following “Finally, you have changed your image…”. There you go scrambling for the 2 hours to impress the marker that will determine your fate in that papers.

As for my new colleagues, as mentioned, they commented I look more like a lady as compared to the first day i report to work. And to think that these bunch of people only knew me since January this year.

Then my family of coz, Dad is totally clueless as to what I’ve done with my hair. I warned my bro not to say anything coz that best for him and me. Coz he might just say the wrong thing and pisses me off. Hhaha…which he did recently.Ma was saying things like this “Wow! u sure go all out for the 6th floor guy! How good looking is this fellow? Better than K?” My response was like “K is much better looking and more compatible, physically”. But of coz that’s just me. Well. The change will take place with or without any guy. Like it did!

Well…it is such a big deal ah..the change and stuff….more to come…for now…i got to get bz with work..and get to a logical break by 6.15pm coz I gotta rush back to be in time for my train tonite.

KL here I come again….after so long…

The bonus of waking up early and looking good is…having to look good for your ‘crush’.Hahah…Tat’s what happen this morning.

Woke up on time, get dressed in skirt and shirt. the hair is good. ahaha…The minute I was approaching the lobby..there he was puffing away at the entrance. It sure boost a whole loads more confident as compared to other days that I saw him. But he look so fierce each time. Is it the smoke making him look like tat or what? Can’t he like smile….not tat its gonna cost him much to put up a smile early in the morning. Would be nice! Anyway, I bet he very well saw me but he act like he doesn’t, hahaha…but its not that I care much coz my change was not at all for him to see but more of to boost my own self-confidence in terms of personal grooming which I’ve been obviously lacking. Honestly, I look better. I wouldn’t say I look my best. But its better than I ever look before. I look my age. That’s 26, by the way. Before this I look like I’m 17 yrs old forever with my pony tail. Never letting my hair touching my shoulder. Its always either clipped up..or ponied tail. Past 2 days, its ‘let-ur-hair-down’ day

I used to feel this good when I first started working 6 years ago. U know, office wear and briefcase kinda bag. Feel like I’m all grown up. But today ESPECIALLY, i felt really GROWN up…i look so matured. So 26 years old. ahahah…

OK there is a whole lot to do. Let’s take it one step at a time.

I’m heading to KL for the Good Friday break. A lil’ bit of shopping and catching up with CLK in KL. And yet another KL rendevous 2 weeks later for big bro’s show *ya rite big bro* =))

It does feels good to be different Good different!
Head feels a lot lighter with most of the hair GONE. hihihih

Mum was re-capping the days she constantly DO-UP HER HAIR..she started making different hairstyles from as young as nine-years-old. And I get my first most expensive haircut only at 26. Its way overdue. To think that I used to cut my hair at the BARBER for goodness sake. Wat were my parents thinking sending me to a barber for a haircut? Trust me! I can just pull it off being a boy THEN!  But I’m very much a girl and a full-blown woman, both inside and outside….hahahaha

Yesterday, I spent a few hundred dollars to look good. And I would say its a success. How I know its a success?
My colleagues said I look more lady-liked. Another colleague said I look so sweet. Me look sweet…oh gosh…I sure feel sweet. Most importantly is what i felt. When Alaric, my new found hairdresser, showed me the rear view ahaha…i was like…WHAT!! He made my hair look like that..I would imagine it happen. But it did! It looked like what I wanted. So I’m a satisfied paying customer. And I didn’t freaked out on my first attempt at a DIGITAL SPA PERM. The experience is a new one for me. Was so closed to having a manicure but time-constraint. The hair itself took me almost 5 hours…

When I’m not into it..I’m totally NOT. But once I made up my mind. Nothing can change it. So I took Eve with me so that I don’t ‘chicken’ out. She sure did her task well. She brought along 2 hairstyle magazine which she bought sometime ago. It has got loads of style But i like the long curly puffy kind. I find that it can make me look matured when I need to. Look young when I bun it all up. Look sweet,like today, when I grab the upper portion and clip it. So we walked around JP to find a cheap one.But of coz you would find any that cost anyway below $100. First stop was abt $199 for cut+treatment+perm. We walked again, there I was at the entrance of JY. No price tag on display but a kind gentleman offer to intro us. So I just grab the picture i have in the magazine. And told him, I wanna get this hairstyle on me. Possible? He said, my hair was rather long. It has to be cut off to make it lighter so the perm will work for me. I said OK…how much? $208 for everything. I was like OK. Tat was wayyyyy to EZ for him. I’m not a difficult customer to please, provided I’ve already reached the place with my mind set. Otherwise, even if its $1, I wouldn’t pay for it. So i went it hoping to leave the place with a nice new refreshing look.*which I did btw*

First thing first. I just washed my hair so skip the washy-washy. Straight to the cutting-cutting. *snip snip snip* for almost an hour. Alarci was like getting tired I think coz there’s so much to cut. Of coz there is tat much, how long ago have a i gotten a haircut…VERY LONG AGO DUDE! Cutting was over. O3 time. They put a kind of a shower cap over my head. Plug in the vaccum like thingy. The O-3 machine for oxigenating your hair before it get ‘grilled’ in a short while. haha…when the machine was turned on. The oxygen started flowing. And I see this sort of a smoky and misty thing leaking out of the ’shower cap’ on my head. Picture this – Your hair on fire. The fire’s gone but the smoke is still there. I can’t stop giggling on the inside. *The things woman do to look good, me included* It really is funny to me. I used to laugh at those ladies doing it. Wat goes around, comes around huh! Then its washy-washy again. Then the treatment begins…some chemical treatment to let the hair soften and ready for perm. Since it the first time ever, it take longer coz the hair is resisting it. So after 40minutes or so. Its ready. They washed the chemical away. And start rolling up my hair. And they plug it wat look like the machine from movie THE MATRIX. Eric warned that I’m not suppose to touch it coz it gonna heat up real soon. Oh boy it sure is cooking on my head. With the heavy loads of the curl-ers and the heat. Seems like my head might just rolled out towards the exit. It was cooking inside. It sure gets hotter by the seconds. They keep checking on me to ensure i don’t end up with frizzy burnt hair. So kind of them. Well they should! Hahaha…That lasted for about 25 minutes. Then they took it off..Sprayed some neutralizers which I still have it on my head now and till tomorrow. Coz I’m not supposed to wash it off. You have no idea what it feel like not having to wash your head for 2 days. I still got 1 more day to go. To make my $$$ worth it. I better listen to Alaric’s advice. So after the loads of spraying, its BLOWING time..haaha..The newly treated hair was blow-dried for abut 20 minutes or so to bring out the final outlook. As it goes on, I was like, ‘Eh not bad at all…’ Wat didn’t I do it before? NO idea…just lazy or probably too stingy to fork out a few hundred of my $$$. I guess its worth it now.

I get to see all that is done to my hair coz I got my contact lenses on. If I’ve had my specs on, i would have to take it off during the entire process.
Alaric showed me the final outlook which I find is ok and still suits my face. It didn’t look tat ugly to me. And I’m proud to flaunt it. But I had to clip it today to work coz it was so hot and i don’t want to perspire un-necessarily.

OK thats enough for now. I’ve got loads to blog abt for I have seen and learnt a few things abt being a woman. And that is, OUR MAINTENANCE CAN BE QUITE HIGH! But we can choose not to keep it high. It is a matter of choice, actually. And my choice yesterday was to pamper myself beyond normal days and reward myself with a good look after much encouragement from my closest buddies. They’ve been trying hard to change how I look. But I didn’t put as much effort as I should. As Kris Dayanti once said, “There is no such thing as an ugly woman, just lazy woman”. Its beginning to sound so true. A bit of effort, you’ll look much better and more presentable to the eye of the guys. You never know, mayb the 6th floor fellow or the Soeul Garden manager.
Last but not least, my thanks to Eve for sitting there for 5 hours with me. She get a wash and blow for that. Thanks to Judd for being patient with me and never stop psycho-ing me to have a new look, despite no action from me until yesterday. Thanks to Zalee & Alfie for voluntarily messing up my hair at HEAT lounge to ‘evaluate’ my look. Hahaha…thanks guys for all the effort, for I truly appreciate it very very much. *muacks to all of u* and another *big MUACKSSSSS*

*sorry no pics* hihihi