Not TGIF

Why today? Isn’t it suppose to be a blessed Friday. This is one of those crap day where whatever that can go wrong, WILL! Damn it!

5 years later…

Back in 2007, I started this blog just about the time I join the current work place. And today, after seeing a piece of envelope on my desk, and upon opening the letter, then only I realized it had been a very long but quick FIVE years in this place. Got a bit of reward for that 5 years of LONG SERVICE AWARD.

Well, the countdown has begun….

This is gonna be my first posting for year 2012. Apparently according to the MAYANS, end of the world is this year. So why worry. But to pray and hope we go to heaven.

Apart from that sad end-of-the-world story,  I’ve been attacked with – Sleepless nights leading to late mornings. The mind is so occupied with major decision makings for myself or for greater good of all, especially my family. But maybe its high time I think for myself. But the inside of me is made up of so many part of others. When I’m faced with such a dilemma over my life’s decision, I quietly wish I’m married to a loving, understanding husband who makes me a housewife and well maybe 3 kids to care for. And no money worries in my head.

*PAUSED* Okay…since that original dream of mine is not happening anytime soon…we move to the real world where I am this single lady working really hard to fulfill i don’t know what dream anymore. Its really nice to have a loving man who I can just cuddle and talk to at times. But what to do…not here yet. So I only got Ola to talk to and wash away my boring stories. But I’m gladly welcoming the soon-to-be twin babies, besides entertaining one Terrible-Twos at home. But she’s still an angel, that lil’ Munchkin, who is my big brother’s first born.

I just wanna say a lil’ prayer….

“Ya Allah, peliharalah zuriat2 Abang di kala dalam kandungan dan apabila mereka lahir kelak agar sempurna sifat zahir dan batinnya. Dan aku mohon kau lindungi Kak Iparku agar selamat mengharungi perjalanan sedang dia mengandungkan zuriat kembar kurniaanMU. Dan peliharalah keluarga kami dari segala yang buruk. Sesungguhnya kami telah banyak pelajari dari kesilapan masa lalu. Dan sentiasa dekatkan diri kami semua padaMU…Sesungguhnya aku bersyukur atas segala kurnia-an dan limpah rezekiMu selama ini. Amin Ya Rabb. “

Well, I guess my prayers are indeed answered. The path have been lay down and I was hinted to walk through it. Let’s see if I have the courage to do so.In time, I will know.

Now, let’s get on with work because I think we have much to complete

Compliance-ly sick

The day started rather later because I slept late watching online movies. Just before noon, the “big business call” awakes me. Not the office. The nature-call. I didn’t think it was a normal one. Indeed it wasn’t. It repeated SEVEN Times till there is nothing more to let out but fluid. Just had a piece of toast to fill the very empty can at noon. The nausea feeling is also not helping. Mum cook some spicy meal which I totally cannot take right now. Freaks me out intact.

She wanted to run her errands to buy stuff which I did. And while doing so, I just realized body starts to ache, eyes watery, heavy head, and finally the fever kicks in full blown at 38.2 C. Doctors can wait because I am too weak to even drive.

My best companion is my bed under me, my Macbook above me. And I’m sandwiched in between not wanting to move an inch because the aching is really not comfortable at all. Even the slow fan speed is like poking every corner of my body.

My appetite score which usually is 10/10 is now down to probably a rating of 1/10. That’s for the one bread i had at noon.

The sickest past is, it couldn’t come at a better time. Its my leave day today. Come on man….give me this break I so very much deserve. I don’t want meds and I don’t want to see the Doctor. And I so don’t want to be confine in bed after and overdose of meds. That’s a NO-NO!!

With such cold weather, the crooked tailbone sure is a pain in the ass. Body system is getting old and getting dead tired.

Tomorrow shall be a better day, after I get complete rest tonight. Maybe we can skip the online movie and pop some pills and knock myself out.

OK my eyes are so hot right now..i better sleep.

Mid-December

When was the last time I did something for me? The kinda something which I do/will do without taking anything/anyone into consideration in deciding so and just do it because I want to do it. I’m trying hard to remember. Can I just do something, one thing, for me. I don’t know what or how, don’t know when. But I can’t find that little something I ever did for myself. Everything is always putting somebody/something before myself. And that, according to one friend who once work with me. Even on pay day, I should pay myself first instead of paying any loans/bills/or give anybody else my hard earn money. Well, for someone so smart. He is prospering in life. I wish him well. He’s a nice chap who advise me a lot, cheerful and very honest guy. Met a sweet lady and I suppose he is happily married.

Now, how in the world can I put myself before others when my life revolves around many others. Some times I tell myself to be super selfish and just think about me, myself and I. But cannot. I’m configured this way and I need a major upgrade to make me all fresh and new.

Weekend was jammed pack *wat’s new*. But Monday is such a drag. I’m squeezed for time considering my leave is just around the corner. Suddenly, I’m writing documents as though Friday is my last day at work. And no one is around to back me up. My only pain is that I am going to get phone calls during my break. And without even planning any overseas trip. There is already much to do at home. I don’t know I’m doing it for who though.

May I shouldn’t stress much today and just go home and have a good sleep because I have to start the day really early tomorrow.

I’m yawning away in this draggy Monday afternoon. Use to love documentations but not anymore. Not when there is so much to do so little time and yet I’m blogging just to stay awake. *YAWN*

 

There is only one man in this entire world who I love so dearly. And the best things about loving him is that I know that he loves me equally, if not more. There is no better man I want other than him. I know for a fact that he may leave me soon enough but I hope the next man I will ever come to love will be loving me like how he always have…and always will. And he is well love by his children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren and everyone who once cross path with him.

Dearest Yayi, I love you and you know it. Nothing will ever change that. I pray for your well-being and good health. But we all know the facts of life will eventually catch up with us. You are more of a father to me than you are a grandfather. But the best of it all you play both role equally well and you shower me with all the good things any little girl could ever wish for. I love you so much and it breaks my heart not being able to do more for you. But Allah knows best and I hope HE answers our prayers to bless our family and do what is best for you and us all.

I love you so very much.

A Broken Puzzle

I’ve made up my mind. Time to do what I need to do. Period.

The offer is right there. Its like an exit sign showing me the way out. But I kept standing in the burning building thinking someone is gonna save me. I guess this time it is time to make the decision. Should I take it up or not? Offer wasn’t that great. Barely a hike. But then again, I’m not wanting to burn bridges for that matter. So I need a polite, diplomatic way to reject. But the thoughts of going through shit everyday just made me want to believe the grass is greener on the east side.

Why is growing up so difficult? I just wanna make a simple living. Probably living a country life would be simpler, OR NOT! Either I’m stressed out over serious decision making or I’m just stressed out over a lot of things.

The key is to prioritize. That much I kept telling myself. So what’s most important in life? Life itself. For if there is no life, there is not point in doing other things. It is one or the other. So to live, is to stay healthy. And I’m finally gonna go for that dreaded ultrasound. Hate to find out all these complicated biological mystery of being a woman. But I’ve made some calls to have it scheduled at the soonest possible slot. *fingers crossed – no surgery or such, please*  Then there’s the job I need to seriously consider. Then Grandpa’s final stage renal failure, he’s really looking frail. And then there is my life. What am I to do with this life of mine? I’m just tired, so very tired. I’m welcoming the 2 weeks break. I hope I put it to good use.

Probably a new resolution is to start picking up those goals I set for myself which I have completely forgotten somehow. Awal Muharram is coming in couple of days. The start of the new Islamic year. Maybe should start now….

Till next posting…

Tires Change…Tires CHANGED

Yesterday I had a scare of some sort upon exiting the uphill slope of Clementi Mall carpark. The car tires went into scary screeching scream and had much difficulty trying to drive up. I’m sure my face must have been pale blue while my foot was hard on the acceleration. Praying very hard not to end up in a rollback. A good 30 seconds later, a rather long 30-seconds scare, I was out of the carpark and got really blur.

In my blurness I ended up with a longer route to reach home in the heavy downpour driving only at 70-80km/h. The thoughts of skidding and worse – crashing…wow! That’s scary. Called my brother immediately to share my experience and said i want to change my 3-years old tires ASAP.

And today, Abang got my baby to change to a spanking set of wheels. Have yet to drive. I think my fuel consumption had been horrible as well since the tires went completely bald.

But I’ve paid a cheap price for the 4-wheels because that scare was a wake-up call that live is too valuable or just 4 old bald tires.

New Set of tired: $600
My Live & That of my passengers: PRICELESS…

Thank God, Abang told me to buy Munchkin’s birthday cake at Baskin Robbins @ Clementi Mall. Everything happened for a reason and it is a blessing in disguise. It could have been worst. Thank Allah Almighty Allah upon his grace.

Syukur Alhamdullilah…All is Well…All is well…

Breatheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee…..ahhh..the air is good again….

I wanted to start ranting about work like really seriously horribly but it kinda made me feel all sick in the stomach. WTF! here goes…still need to get the frustration out of my ‘system’. There I was, having a rather good end to the week. But the moment, words like “Shutdown”, “Downtime” and “Server Moves” are concerned, there is no such thing as a SUNDAY BREAK. It started out ok. So called work ended around noon *I thought lah*, then I lay down watching a bit of DVD just wanted to again feel that typical lazy Sunday *which I miss very much bTw*. Got myself a nice cuppa chilled Powerberries and crackers *imagining myself at the movies*…..*PAUSED* THEN, the Blackberry had to give that loud scream for help. And after that, it was all a blur and one angry, pissed manouvre of getting things fixed. At the end of it all, just need to sleep over it and I know next day could be better. It had to, else my crankiness and moodiness gonna be stretch across the week. And that SUCKS!!!! And after all this, I’m pretty damn sure there will be this “LONG LEAVE SYNDROME” whereby all things becomes “very-very-urgent-shitList-else-business-will-collapse”….GOT SUCH THING MEH??!!! RUBBISH LAH!

Either way my return flight are booked and my accommodation too. I have no expectation of this holiday except that I needed a breather like really away, away BUT have to bring Uncle Dell with me. Whether or not got connection that’s besides the point. The point is “Mister D” told “Miss D” to bring it, “JUST-IN-CASE”, he said. Sad, so sad but true.

Until then, just have to hang in there and clear up the “Shit List” so no shit shall be visible during my absence. Because I could just pack up the shit to da-pao.